Thursday, October 6, 2011

I'm still here!

Yes, it's true, I have not in fact fallen off the planet. I have been doing things like cleaning my house, cleaning my house, cleaning my house some more...staging my house, cleaning it again, keeping fresh flowers in vases, and cleaning my house. Trying to sell it. Also, making rosmary chicken and then mirepoix for the soup that followed. Yes, autumn is here. I love fall food. I love fall decorating, too, but don't have much time for it these days.
Things are good in general, but our lives are currently completely dominated with trying to sell the home we are still in so we can move into our new place! I can't wait to be there. I will wait a few days until I have a chance to get current photos and then will post some here. My kitchen cupboards and floors are mostly in and look INSANE! But I digress. Not a lot of point in talking about the house on the lake until I have photographic evidence for you. In the meantime, our initial real estate listing has expired, the market is deader than dead, and we are going to drop the price a second time and relist. We want the place sold, so we're willing to price it accordingly. It's a nice place! I think someone will love it. But we have to consider the current economic climate, which is, well, sucky.

I've been thinking a lot about Bruce lately (if you haven't been following - and I don't blame you if you haven't, with my infrequent posting - our friend and the architect/designer of our home took his own life in June). I wish I could have just one more conversation with him. I doubt it would change his choice, but I wanted to know more about him, and for him to know I loved having him as a friend. However briefly.

Our patient old boy with Noah. July 2010.
I had a dream the other night that our dog Rupert, whom we had to put down just over a year ago (old age/failing faculties), came to see me. This wasn't a normal dream at all. I realized he was there with me - we were in a big hilly field on a farm-type property - and expressed disbelief: "This can't be right. You died." But he sort of psychically nudged me, as if to say "No, I AM here, and you need to acknowledge it." Okay, okay, I thought to him. So come HERE then!" Suddenly, as if because I had accepted his presence, the dream became PALPABLY real. I can still feel his warm body and healthy fur, and the wonderful cuddle we had. He pretty much mauled me with a big dog hug, and did this purring thing he used to do(he was an English Mastiff - 185 lbs in his prime)...It was wonderful. And it makes me wonder if I should feel safer "believing" or hoping in something big on the afterlife front. Why am I so fearful of committing to faith? I just feel that I can't possibly "know" something that big for sure. After all, the whole dream, real as it felt, could have just been my brain doing me a lovely favour. Right? I invite any of you readers who have committed to a faith of some sort to offer feedback on this. I'm kind of grappling with it a lot lately. I'm even thinking about seeing a psychic for my birthday. How does one go about finding a "real" psychic, anyway?

I turn 37 next week. I'm going to go give blood. I feel it's going to be a great year for me and I want to start it off on a good note. I have now officially lost 32 lbs since my youngest was born (about 2.5 years ago). I have a little more to go but I feel like I have finally kicked the worst of it. I am no longer completely out of shape and my strength & stamina are going steadily up. My hubby complimented my muscular arms the other day. He also claims that my butt no longer looks like "two cats in a bag" when I run. You have to know my husband. This is the highest praise. And he would never have said that it looked like that WHEN it looked like that (he would have suffered greatly had he risked it)...Indeed, the best compliment I've received lately was when he referred to me as a "beautiful jackass." I already know I'm a jackass (sometimes, at least - isn't this human nature?), so really it's the same as if he just called me beautiful (I am much happier having an honest life partner than one who sugar-coats everything. But I digress).

I feel great, and like I am looking ahead on a wonderful time with my family. We're happy and healthy and I'm about to embark on the adventure of a lifetime. Growing my own food, starting a bed and breakfast, and in a year or two, the boys will be in "big-kid" school and I (in theory) will have time to get back to making art and writing after far too long a hiatus. No complaints.

Preparing to have a little Thanksgiving weekend with my mom & sister visiting, while hubby will be racing his dirtbike in the annual "Terra Nova" in Cowichan. They call it the "Aqua Nova" though because every year it rains torrentially. At least they get a turkey dinner with it! I will be keeping our meal at home simple, on Saturday night, so that I can enjoy the day with my girls on Sunday. I hired the sitter, bless her heart, to help out that day so we can get out for lunch and maybe a matinee.

This concludes my long overdue journal entry for the time being. Will be back with housey pictures. Have a lovely Thursday and thanks for stopping in...


Wind Woman said...

Sam ~

I love how you write, I like your style, your honesty. Looking forward to seeing more posts soon! Your house is going to sell. Keep holding the thought that as you go about tidying and cleaning, soon someone else will be doing it within those 4 walls, instead of you. :-)

Sam said... that you, Mom?